Voice of the Average Republican

Voice of the Average Republican, March 15

Let’s see what your average Republican has to say about current events this week.

1. A repost from a Facebook page called Liberty Kaye, which she seems to like a lot. The post is supposedly a quote from Roman statesman Cicero:

“The budget must be balanced, the treasury must be refilled, public debt must be reduced, the arrogance of officaldom must be tempered & controlled, and assistance to foreign lands must be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt
People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance”
Marcus Tullius Cicero, Roman
January 3, 106 BC – December 7, 43 BC

Surprise! Cicero never said it. It’s a quote from a 1965 novel.

2. An article from a site called ForEveryMom.com. The article is titled, “An Open Letter to My Children: You’re Not That Great” and, as far as I skimmed it, seems to be mostly griping about some badly behaved relatives of a random child at her kid’s dance recital.

I’m betting it leads into a Kids These Days Are So Entitled rant, but I got bored. I guess kids these days have short attention spans too.

Mom posted this with the commentary, “Funny and timely read!”

3. A repost from Franklin Graham, of an article from FoxNews.com titled “Trump signs executive order to make fed agencies ‘lean,’ more ‘accountable'”

Graham’s commentary, which I’ve given paragraph breaks to because dude, wall of text much, is:

Another first by President Donald J. Trump! Monday he ordered a top-to-bottom review of every department and agency to save taxpayer money, reduce duplication, and improve services. Can you believe it? This won’t make President Trump popular among politicians, because government jobs and excess spending will have to be cut—but it is something the American people should be grateful for.

Pray for President Trump, Vice President Mike Pence, and the new cabinet that God will give them wisdom as they take difficult and bold steps for the good of America.
And, by the way, the president is also donating his salary and asked the press corps for suggestions as to where to give it. That’s another first isn’t it!

I don’t generally post links back to these things because I don’t want to give them traffic, but the Fox link contains an auto-playing video with sound (that jumps around the page as you scroll), so I’m awarding both a no-link and a rude gesture.

Okay. So. First off, asking the press corps where you should donate your salary is both bizarre and petty. And childish.

Second, he’s calling for this review to occur after he makes deep, arbitrary cuts to agencies he doesn’t like. That also seems both childish and wildly inefficient.

Third, Puppet on a Stick Spicer says, “This is the beginning of a long overdue reorganization of the federal government.” You knob, the federal government is always being reorganized. Haven’t you ever heard of BRAC? The Department of Energy was also being reorganized when I worked there a few years ago.

You just want to eliminate the parts your buddies don’t like. That’s not reorganization, that’s a purge.

Moving on.

4. An article from a site called LivetheOrganicDream.com. (No, really.) It’s titled “Texas School Triples Recess Time, Solves Attention Deficit Disorder.”

First off, I’d like to note that yes, of course giving kindergarten and first-grade students actual recess time improves their attention spans. Little kids just can’t sit still for a thousand hours at a time. Hell, I’m 36 and have a long attention span and I can’t sit all day.

That said, a little bit of cognitive dissonance going on here, because I can guarantee you that if a school local to my mother started giving longer recesses she’d be flipping out right along with everyone else about how Kids These Days are so lazy and don’t want to work hard. (In kindergarten.)

5. The obligatory Breitbart repost. There’s always one. This one’s titled “Report: Who Is Profiting from the Multi-Billion Dollar Business of European Immigration?” and the only reason I’m clicking through is to see if it’s either Obama or The Jews.

And the answer seems to be “human traffickers,” which…no freaking kidding. One of the sidebar ads is something to do with solar energy, which seems a little off target for the audience here.

6. An article from conservative organization Judicial Watch title “Govt. Still Pushing HPV Vaccine on Kids a Decade after JW Exposed Deadly Side Effects”

I’m gonna quote a bit of this here because the purple prose is pretty funny:

The vaccine was scandalously fast-tracked by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and was ardently promoted by the Obama administration as a miracle shot that can prevent certain strains of cervical cancer caused by Human Papillomavirus (HPV). Instead it’s been linked to thousands of debilitating side effects, according to the government’s own daunting statistics.

You know what? I don’t have the spoons right now to spend three hours picking this one apart and showing how it’s misleading or a lie in every detail.

Persephone: Reading her mother’s Facebook wall so you don’t have to.

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